On the list of things I accomplished in 2008, one of them was opening a business account. [please note: my waiting this long was a BAD BAD BAD idea, it was
one of those things I had procrastinated on, but it should have been
the first thing I did after getting my state tax license.] Previously, I had transferred funds from my PayPal account to my regular bank account, keeping track of it in QuickBooks, and noting how much I'd made every month – but most of what I made was getting spent, and not all on the business (like the new tires I bought for the car just a few months before the car died its last death). Around the same time that I opened the business account, I landed another job, and shortly afterwards, gave up on the car. My business account is just inconvenient enough for me so that it takes a couple of extra steps for me to access the funds if it's not for business purposes (for example, there is no online or telephone options for me to check my balance or transfer funds from one account to another), and combined with having less of a need to tap those funds, my business account got to a point where I looked at my November bank statement and thought, gee, what can I do with this? My first thought was to put as much of it as possible into a savings account, where it could sit and build interest. My second thought was about why I immediately thought of putting it into a savings account, and what came to the surface for me was that I was afraid of losing the money.

Now, I've had some times in my life where there was less than $20 in my bank account, and times when the only reason I was eating every day was because I worked for a grocery co-op, and plenty of times when the thought of money would make my hands tighten up into nervous fists. BUT. I had a bank account, I was eating every day, and so on. So a few years ago, I started working on my thinking, and now when I feel my hands start to tighten, I ask myself how much I can afford to give, and then I ask myself if that's really all I can manage. The real wealth is in me (and you, and everyone else). This time, I decided to take another look at Kiva, a micro-lending website that makes it possible for me (and you) to loan funds to people all around the world. I'd looked at Kiva before, but felt really weird about looking at people's business goals and having to pick someone, and got bogged down by questioning what was appealing to me about it, and going around and around in my head. This time, I picked a region, picked a sector, and asked myself how much I was willing to loan. $100? Asked myself again. Looked at the list of entrepreneurs, saw one that was $225 away from the loan requested, and chose that one. It's not a rational or practical way to make a choice, I know, but that's one more small business person out there who now has funding to expand a small business, and eventually, the loan will be repaid and I can either take the money back or loan it out again. As a small business person myself, I know what a big difference that can make. I am aware that financially, the smartest thing for myself was probably my first thought – save it. Keep it. Have it grow for me. Right now, I'm okay with not keeping it all for myself. Ask me again in 30 years?

Shortly after I made the loan, I listened to the Speaking of Faith interview with Binyavanga Wainaina, The Ethics of Aid: One Kenyan's Perspective, and it was quite thought-provoking. You can get that episode as a podcast or listen to it on the website, if you are interested in hearing it.